By Angelica Olstad
The other day I learned a Chopin etude in about 4 hours. I didn’t play it perfectly, it’s definitely not up to tempo and I wouldn’t call it “performance ready” but to the average listener, the piece would sound learned, comfortable, and completely acceptable for a music performance.
There really is no “cheat” when learning written music because everything is already laid out in black and white. Thus, the challenge is for the musician to execute these notes, interpret, and create music within the parameters set before them. The music works within its own logic adhering to phrasing, harmonic or structural changes. For pianists, the task of creating the essence of music is compounded by hundreds and sometimes even thousands of notes that create the ineffable phenomenon of music.
In the 10 years since I’ve decided to take up piano again and pursue it seriously as a profession, I’ve gone through many of my own ups and downs with the instrument. 5 years ago I wouldn’t have dreamed of being able to achieve something like this because I didn’t have the skills or know how. Back then I would have practiced the piece over and over again until certain passages became more comfortable and eventually mastered. It would be the all too familiar and often uncomfortable process of laboriously practicing the piece over a series of days, weeks, or months to achieve the agonizing concept of a “perfect performance”.
So what happened in these last 5 years? Two things: I grew and I let go. I’m a business owner now so that takes up most of my time. The hours I used to spend practicing piano is now spent on emails, marketing, social media, phone calls or whatever tasks business brings to the day. I also teach piano to beginners and over the years I’ve observed mistakes that new students make when approaching material. I can now identify certain idiosyncracies, behavioral or learning tendencies that will lead to mistakes in playing and I’ve developed a quick and comprehensive approach to avoiding mistakes.
For this particular etude I simply let go of expectations of perfection and focused on creating music. I played through the melody slowly and surely. I then added the bass line to understand the rhythmic texture and the harmonic structure of the piece. I then added the inner voicing to fill out the sound. I enjoyed every note, I took my time and I didn’t let any passage go untouched without carefully and thoughtfully thinking through each problem. When a difficult chromatic section came up I repeated the same deliberate process and layered the music until it made sense not only in my fingers but in my head as well. I approached the music with an authentic integrity that allowed me to learn the music methodically so there would be no chance of making mistakes. In short, I had a meditative and transcendental experience that resulted in playing an exquisite piece of music without interruptions or any blaring mistakes. It was an incredible moment for me because in my opinion, playing beautiful music well is perhaps one of the finest experiences a person can have in this world. It is something I will be happy spending the rest of my life pursuing.
As a health and wellness professional I see a lot of content about self-acceptance and making mistakes (e.g.“10 mistakes I made in my 20s) as a form of growth. In the self-improvement industry where pretty much anything goes, content can cover a wide range of topics including adultery, abuse, addictions, eating disorders, assault, racism, and more – people are opening up in a way we’ve never seen before. While it’s created a supportive community to help others know they are not alone, it is also revealing an epidemic of pain, suffering, and discontent that apparently plagues millions of people every day.
Our minds are working faster than ever and our culture through media reflects that. We no longer value ideas like taking time to slow down and evaluate problems critically and deeply. We celebrate and glorify quick fixes like, “ 10 minute solutions to find personal fulfillment”, “Get zen with these 5 steps”, or “Get happy in 8 days”. We are constantly told that we can solve all our health and emotional problems through 400 word articles, tweets, inpirational photos, or “life hacks”. We want things done “quickly” and “efficiently” so we can have more time to do other things quickly and efficiently (and then share with others so we can receive approbation for our accomplishments). With all these tools and resources at our fingertips one has to ask the question, are we really taking time, perhaps the most precious resource we have, to not just learn from our mistakes but to avoid making them in the future?
In my years of teaching and playing, I’ve seen students develop bad habits. These include mis-wired synaptic connections created through careless practicing, memory lapses, or emotional anxiety; all of this resulting in irreversible and repeatable mistakes in their playing. I too have experienced all of the above. Somewhere in the last 5 years I let go of the notion of being a “big shot” musician. In that time I’ve made music about me and my own personal experience. I’ve performed my own music using experimental techniques, taught and helped others discover the beauty in music, and overcome my own performance anxiety issues. By creating my own personal standards of achievement I’ve become more successful than ever. I mean, hell, just the other day I was able to get through a Chopin etude in 4 hours. I may not be performing at Carnegie Hall any time soon but the personal gratification of learning something well, correctly, carefully, mindfully, slowly and without mistakes is so much more satisfying than any post or picture I could share on social media.
I realize now that my relationship with piano has become a symbol of how I live life, the music on the written page serves as a mirror reflecting truth and honesty in my daily actions. Mistakes do matter, we are affected by them and it takes great effort to reverse them, sometimes years. So, if we can take the time and care to eradicate mistakes that impede us in our lives we create a new possibility: with practice, care, awareness and mindfulness it is possible to embrace the beautiful music in all of our lives.
Angelica Olstad is the founder @PopUpYogaNYC and writer @TheCultureist. She is a classically trained pianist, yogi, traveler, and a big fan of NYC.
Photo of playing piano via Shutterstock